True Repentance (My Farewell Talk)

My purpose is to help us understand the true nature of repentance, then to uncover the lies that Satan would have us believe, so we can more fully recognize his tactics and overcome them. I pray that each of us can invite the Spirit to teach us individually what we need to know.

The purpose of this life is to become the best we can be. Ultimately we are aiming to become perfect, like our Father in Heaven. Because He is God, He “cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance” (Alma 45:16), so He holds us to a perfect standard, and every time we mess up, we fall short. Already you can easily see the predicament we’re in. But our loving Father would never send us here to fail. Even before the world was, He prepared a way for us to correct our mistakes (1 Peter 1:20), through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, so we could continually progress and have our weaknesses become strengths (Ether 12:27). “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).

Satan, who opposes everything our Father does, does NOT want us to progress and will do anything he can to hold us back, thus the word “damned” is applied to those who don’t repent. Damnation is being held back, not able to progress. But since progress is the purpose of our existence, being held back is torture to our spirits. In addition, when we disobey, we distance ourselves from Father’s Spirit and protection, leaving us vulnerable to the merciless influence of the adversary (Mosiah 2:36-37). Thus sin inevitably brings unhappiness.

But Christ, in accordance with the plan of mercy provided a way to escape and be restored to happiness. “For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I. …Wherefore, I command you again to repent… lest you suffer these punishments …of which in the…least degree you have tasted at the time I withdrew my Spirit” (D&C 19:16-20). Our Savior, through the Atonement, provided a way out. “He loves us and understands us and is sympathetic to the fact that we face temptations” (Elder Theodore M. Burton, "The Meaning of Repentance," Liahona, November 1988). “For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted” (Hebrews 2:18). If He is so willing to succor us, it is our choice to let Him. The condition is repentance.

In its simplest form: “by this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them” (D&C 58:43). To me that means when I recognize something in my life that is inconsistent with Heavenly Father’s expectations, I humbly acknowledge my fault to Him (and to others I may have wronged), and then do all I can to abandon that practice, and make it up to those I’ve wronged. It means constantly changing to become better.

Similarly, Elder Anderson said, “The invitation to repent is rarely a voice of chastisement but rather a loving appeal to turn around and to ‘re-turn’ toward God. It is the beckoning of a loving Father and His Only Begotten to be more than we are, to reach up to a higher way of life, to change, and to feel the happiness of keeping the commandments” (“Repent…That I May Heal You,” Ensign, November 2009).

All too often we DO think of it as chastisement and we fear that punishment is associated with repentance. On the contrary, punishment is the natural consequence of the SIN, and grows in severity for the unrepentant. Elder Theodore M. Burton of the First Quorum of the Seventy said, “The Lord does not punish us for our sins; he simply withholds his blessings. …The scriptures tell us again and again that the wicked are punished by the wicked” ("The Meaning of Repentance"). We bring that punishment, anguish and suffering to ourselves by dismissing the Spirit and giving the adversary power in our lives when we sin. God doesn’t punish us or make us suffer, rather, He seeks to save and protect us from those things. When He extends a pronouncement of misery, He is simply warning us of what the adversary will do if we don’t listen and obey God’s will.

Already you can see how Satan can twist this into a lie: that repentance brings suffering and punishment, when in reality it’s SATAN that’s doing the punishing before repentance is complete (“The Meaning of Repentance”). After all, wickedness never was happiness (Alma 41:10), and the only way to be restored from sin to happiness is through repentance—changing our ways to follow the Lord’s will.

Satan has no power over the righteous—but as soon as we give in to his temptation, the Spirit leaves and we are in the adversary’s power (Mosiah 2:36-37). The adversary will do anything to keep us from repentance because he covets that power over our lives. Consider the vice of any addiction as just an example of the power he craves, whereas our Father seeks to free us from those things. Satan will seduce us with pride, fear of punishment or humiliation, and try to convince us that covering up our mistakes or simply hiding them will save us from suffering the consequences. I learned from Sunday School a powerful lesson from the story of King David. As the Spirit taught me during that lesson, it became blatantly apparent to me how Satan uses his tools of deception to keep us from repentance, and that an unrepentant heart is more serious than the original transgression.

We all know the story of David and Goliath and we see David’s courage as an example of incredible righteousness. But Satan certainly doesn’t leave the righteous alone. Years later when David was faced with a temptation to look at something inappropriate, he gave in and didn’t turn away. I’m sure he felt little nudges inside to rid his mind of those thoughts—but he didn’t. Ignoring the impressions and letting those seductive thoughts dwell in his mind eventually led him to break the law of chastity. Terrorized by the wrong he had done, instead of repenting he let fear of being discovered run wild and did everything he could to cover up his sin. He ended up murdering someone he had wronged (2 Samuel 11).

Pride and fear are Satan’s #1 tools. He will use those to keep us from repentance, increase his power, and desensitize us to following him more. But when we hide from God, in reality what are we hiding from? We are hiding from miracles, healing, love, peace, compassion. Aren’t those all things we want in our lives? In King David’s case, was the problem the temptation or the sin? NO. Although giving into the temptation and committing the sin was wrong, it was his refusal to confess and forsake that brought greater consequences and led him to greater iniquity. We ALL sin. But the difference between the righteous and the wicked is that the righteous repent and ultimately sin less and less, until they “have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually” (Mosiah 5:2).

To David’s credit, he did eventually realize that the only way out was repentance through the Atonement (Psalm 51). He realized he could find healing through the Savior. But repentance was much harder than if he had chosen to turn from his mistakes in the beginning. Similarly one day we will have to face our guilt and we will realize that we must repent (Alma 5:18, 21). I pray that day will be sooner rather than later so we don’t have to suffer as much as David, or Alma the Younger, or even Christ himself. For surely in the end we must “[choose] Christ’s manner of living or His manner of suffering” (Scott Woodward, EFY Session Director).

When the Spirit helps us identify something we should change, we have two options: follow the enticements, or rationalize them away. I’ve learned that rationalization = spiritual unhappiness and desensitization. Alma warned, “Do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least point” (Alma 42:30). When we rationalize, we’re not only forfeiting the opportunity to be better, but we’re shutting out the Spirit’s influence. Our hearts become hardened and are desensitized, bit by bit, until we are “past feeling” (1 Ne 17:45). The scriptures are full of stories that show the fate of the hard hearted. Instead, let us “yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit” (Mosiah 3:19) by responding to the invitation to change. The Lord promises, “if ye will repent, and harden not your hearts, then will I have mercy upon you…unto a remission of [your] sins” (Alma 12:33-34).

When I was a Young Woman I used to wonder, what if I’m trying as hard as I can to change but I keep messing up? Elder Anderson said, “Sometimes in our repentance, in our daily efforts to become more Christlike, we find ourselves repeatedly struggling with the same difficulties. As if we are climbing a tree-covered mountain, at times we don’t see our progress until we get closer to the top and look back from the high ridges. Don’t be discouraged. If you are striving and working to repent, you are in the process of repenting” (“Repent…That I May Heal You,”). Satan and those persuaded by him will lie to you that the process is not helping, that it does not work. Do not believe his lies. Do not abandon the process.

Another tool Satan will use is guilt to debilitate instead of motivate. Sometimes we believe we’ve done things so wrong in the past that the consequences haunt us every day. Surely we need to feel remorse for our choices, but we must not feel we are forever captive to the consequences. Do you think our loving Heavenly Father would want us to dwell on sadness and guilt? Certainly not. His is a gospel of hope. No matter how we have done things in the past we can change, and MUST change if we are to be relieved of those horrible feelings. Obviously you already recognize your mistakes and feel genuine sorrow. As we’ve learned, the next step is to abandon that behavior. That’s where the faith comes in—faith that it’s possible and that help will come, instead of accepting Satan’s lie and believing “nothing I do now will help.” Forgive yourself and move away from it. Have faith that your best efforts are sufficient for Christ’s grace and healing.

One of Satan’s nastiest tricks is to convince us “It’s just the way I am—I can’t change.” Or even more pridefully, “This is who I am. I have no need to change!” But these beliefs are contradictory to the Atonement! The very fundamental nature of the Atonement is to make change possible, to become better than we are, to rise to a higher level. We are made with imperfections and weaknesses, but don’t think for a moment there is a challenge you can’t or shouldn’t overcome (D&C 64:2; 1John 5:4-5; Romans 12:2).

Illuminated by the truth about repentance, don’t these lies seem silly? Like Nephi, I feel like saying, “Why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?” (2 Nephi 4:27-28). When you see clearly the tactics of the adversary it is so much easier to resist them and instead turn to the Savior for healing. Let us respond quickly and humbly to the enticements of the Spirit to change. Start NOW and do anything you must do.

The lyrics to one of my favorite songs read,

You might think that no one’s been through what you’re going through.
And you might think that nobody’s made the same mistakes as you.
You are feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders—turn it over.
You’ve tried hard to hide from the past and to bury it deep.
You’re overwhelmed by all of the things that you know you should be.
Just believe, mistakes of the past don’t define you—He refines you.
Just have the courage to take one step.
Someone’s going be there to help with the rest!
To start is the hardest, but it’s something that only you can do.
Don’t carry the burden as the years go by,
You don’t need that crushing weight in your life.
Have faith to pray for the strength to finally see this through.
There’s One who knows you perfectly,
He can take the hurt away.
The healing starts within, just let Him in, and let it begin.

(“Let it Begin,” Courage to Stand Strong, EFY 2010)

I testify that it is the process of repentance that refines us as the Atonement removes our guilt and shame and replaces it with joy and peace of conscience (Alma 24:10). I know this because I’ve experienced it in my own life. I know the Savior lives and loves us, and is continually reaching out to each of us. We only need to reach to him to feel of his love and healing power as we change our lives to do his will.

A Pattern In All Things

I learned an interesting principle this summer in a seemingly simple way, but it made a profound impact on me. It all started with one of my Session Directors as I was working as an Especially For Youth counselor this summer.

During one Sunday-night devotional our Session Director gave an analogy as follows. If you want to sew several t-shirts there are a few ways to go about doing it. You can picture in your mind how you think they should look, then go about sewing them, trying to copy the one you made before. Or you can find a good example of a t-shirt, study it carefully, and try to sew each one as closely to the original as possible.

Or perhaps the best way would be to get a sewing pattern, trace, cut and sew your fabric carefully, following all the instructions intently, and have each replica as near perfect as possible. Patterns make a way for us to get it right the first time and each subsequent time instead of replicating imperfect copies.

Such is the pattern of our lives. We can picture in our mind the way we think we should go, do, or be, but surely that would give the roughest end result, try as you might. There are many wonderful examples we can study who will indeed lead us in the right direction. But there is one perfect pattern who, if you follow intently, will help you become as perfect as possible: our Savior and Friend, Jesus Christ. "He is like the Father, the great prototype of saved beings" (Joseph Smith).

As I pondered that concept that week I began to see other analogies with similar messages, such as the service project we did each week with the youth. We made simple fleece blankets for orphanages by cutting slits around the edges of the fabric and tying the pieces together. Special instructions and patterns were provided in each case.

That week as I watched the youth enthusiastically go to work, many left the pattern quickly after realizing the extra effort and time required to match it up and cut around it.

At first I thought, "Sure, they'll get it close enough, and it'll save time." After all, the first few cuts looked just like the patterned ones. But as they continued to cut, each one deviated a little more, getting wider or thinner, shorter, more crooked or uneven than the last. I still kept thinking "It's ok, it'll all look the same when they're tied. They're cruising, and we'll be done in no time!"

But the trouble came when we tried to tie the knots. The short, fat fringes were nearly impossible to tie, and the long, skinny ones were more flimsy and less elegant. All the sudden our work slowed dramatically as we tried over and over to finish those difficult knots. We were among the last groups done, and although the blankets still looked nice, they were definitely less than perfect.

I couldn't help but think of how much easier it would've been to have followed the pattern diligently from the beginning, and to have urged the youth to do the same, even though they didn't understand why and were eager to do it on their own. Now I could see the reasons behind the method, and the difficulty that could be avoided. All they had to do was trust that I knew better -- had experience, that I wasn't just trying to be old-fashioned and make their lives difficult. And if they didn't, they'd have to deal with the consequences. I'm sure you're catching my drift, because yeah, the parallel hit me over the head too.

The pattern of the Gospel our Father in Heaven has given us is designed so we can live the happiest way possible and avoid many of the unnecessary difficulties. There are no shortcuts to living with true happiness. In reality, the pattern that's set is the shortcut because it saves the time trying to correct the mistakes (remember, we were among the last to finish). Any time we deviate there will be difficulties and imperfections. Luckily they don't have to be as permanent as a cut piece of fabric. But that's a topic for another post :)

All we must do is carefully follow the instructions our Father has lovingly given us and trust that He knows all things.

As soon as I saw that pattern, I quickly noticed how well it worked, repeatedly. Week after week youth from all over the country would come from the widest variety of backgrounds you could imagine. But no matter their previous experiences, as they immersed themselves in the gospel-centered activities of the week, they were beaming with joy and love by the end. I can't even express the difference I could see. And not only in them, but me too. I remember distinctly thinking that I was always so incredibly happy by the end of each week. Especially the Friday of my last week. I was singing and dancing and about ready to explode with joy, and the funny part is, I'm not even exaggerating!

The pattern of frequent prayer, personal and group (family) scripture study, serving others, learning about the gospel and then sharing it with others brought the Spirit into our lives so strongly. We received answers to our prayers, we found comfort and encouragement in the scriptures, we felt such a strong love for all around us (even though we barely knew them!), we felt the courage to make needed changes in our lives and be unwavering examples to others. Such are only a few examples of the many blessings that come from immersing ourselves in the gospel.

Just a few weeks ago I read an article in the Ensign entitled "To Returned Missionaries" that solidified all these things I'd learned. Elder L. Tom Perry was petitioning returned missionaries to "press forward with the zeal" they once had as a full-time missionary. All too often they come home and slump back into their old habits and then wonder why they aren't feeling the same spiritual high they felt on their mission. The exact same thing could be applied after EFY! I know because it happened to me several times.

It was no surprise to me when Elder Perry outlined the same basic principles to keep that spiritual vigor:

1. Frequent, consistent, and mighty prayer
2. Individual and companion (family) scripture study
3. The joy of teaching the gospel

This was an important lesson for me to learn. Looking back I've seen the difference when I haven't followed the pattern. And now I recognize why I'm so ridiculously happy when I do! Just follow the pattern. Heavenly Father knows best. People are the happiest when they're immersed in the gospel.

What Prayer Means to Me

Two weeks ago I got a message on Facebook from a friend in response to my status I had just posted a few hours before. My status read, “Amie Morey would not be able to survive without prayer.” My friend asked a simple question, “How does prayer strengthen you?” and I sent him the following response:

Thanks for the question. I would love to answer it because it gives me an opportunity to reflect on what prayer means to me, why it’s important and why it’s valuable to me. Because you asked, I’ll share the experience I had that elicited my statement on Facebook.

Last night as I was driving home to Draper I was in the car by myself and decided to not turn any music on or anything so I could just have some quiet time to think. I’ve had some questions and concerns that have been on my mind lately so I wanted to take the time to reflect on them a bit. When I was about half way home, I all the sudden had the urge to talk to my Father in Heaven about them. Right there in the car I started talking out loud and saying everything that was on my mind, expressing my feelings, thoughts, fears, and hopes, basically as if I was venting to a close friend.

From an outside perspective it would’ve looked like I was mental or something, crying and talking out loud to myself, but to me it was one of the most comforting things to know that I wasn't just talking out loud to myself. I felt a very real connection and knew that Heavenly Father was in fact listening to every word I was saying and understood exactly how I felt. I just talked the rest of the way home and even a little longer after I pulled up, and by the end of my prayer I had a very quiet sense of peace about everything I had been expressing. Nothing overpowering or overwhelming, just that quiet peace that everything would be ok.

Even though this seems like a dramatic example, and certainly not every prayer I say is like this, it still illustrates the principles that have given me strength. In the Bible Dictionary under “Prayer” it says, “As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are his children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part.” In my experience I felt the urge to talk to my Father because of just that—He is my Father! I knew He cared, would understand, and wanted to help. And not only that, but He knows all the answers! And even if it wasn’t the right timing for me to get all the answers, at least He’d listen and give me the comfort I needed to keep going and be patient.

As I’ve tried to think of prayer as simply talking to my Father (or any close friend) it has changed the way I pray. It becomes more real instead of the same thing over and over again. I can go to Him and say, “You know what, I had a really hard time today, and this is why.” Or “I’m really sad about this, can you help me?” (of course using the formal pronouns). As I’ve really gone to Him with my joys, sadness, concerns, fears, etc, I’ve felt a lot of comfort and strength in knowing that He’s always there to listen and to help, just as my earthly father would listen and help if I wanted to talk to him about all these things.

The reason I said I wouldn’t be able to survive without prayer is because without that blessing of being able to speak with my Heavenly Father I’d be left to figure things out all by myself. I wouldn’t have those questions and concerns resolved, and I wouldn’t be able to feel the peace and comfort that comes from talking to the One who knows all things. I’d feel helpless, hopeless, and wouldn’t be able to turn anywhere for any absolute answers. I survive on prayer because that’s the only source from which I can find complete peace and rest from all the hardships of life—because He’s right there with me helping me through it.

Prayer has been an incredible strength to me both in big and small things. As I’ve been through some of the toughest challenges of my life this summer, prayer has been the way by which I received guidance as to what I should do and the means by which relief came from heartache. But there have also been countless times where I’ve lost keys or something silly like that and I’ve prayed for help to find them and the image of where they are will pop into my mind and even before I end the prayer I thank Him for helping me find the keys because I know they’ll be there when I get off my knees.

I just had another experience today when I was looking for a specific shirt I wanted to pack for my trip to Disneyland this week and I couldn’t remember where on earth I had put it. I decided to pray and expressed to my Father that I wanted to find that shirt because it would help me be modest, and when I was done I had an impression to check my laundry basket again even though I had already looked there more than once. When I looked through it more carefully, sure enough, there it was. THAT is why prayer is such a strength to me, because I know that whenever I have a problem, big or small, there will always be a constant source of comfort and guidance. He cares about it ALL, and wants to help if we’ll just ask.

There's a talk about receiving answers to prayers that I absolutely love because it so clearly outlines the principles upon which Heavenly Father answers our prayers. "Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayer" by Elder Richard G. Scott, Ensign, November 1989. I'd encourage you to read it and try to identify the principles taught in your past experiences. I know that if you look closely, you'll see that our Father has answered you many times too. Keep looking and keep praying and you can have as sure of a witness as I do that Father in Heaven loves us more than we can imagine and wants to help us every day of our lives.